C.L. Harmon

Mindset Origins: Grant Yourself A Pardon

Mindset Origins: Grant Yourself A Pardon

I have been writing Mindsets for 25 years. I thought I might take some time to explain exactly what they are and how they originated. For most, if not all of us, we have defining moments or experiences which mold us into who we become. For me, that was a clinical depression in early adulthood. I began writing to help me express and understand that depression. Initially, most of it was dark poetry, but the more I wrote the less about expression and the more about understanding and finding hope it became. Within a few years, the dark poetry became more, eventually morphing into what would become Mindsets. I had chosen to focus on what could be as opposed to what was. I chose to understand instead of escape into a vice or become completely lost in misery. I needed to believe that everything has meaning and that life is not a cosmic roll of the dice without rhyme and reason. Writing Mindsets has helped me to answer many of my questions and hopefully answer a few for others as well. In addition, it has allowed me to write about subjects for which I am passionate. I will be publishing a series of my early Mindsets that I hope you will enjoy. Most of what I usually publish are new ones that I have written recently and so you will see subtle differences in styles and context as my style has evolved over the years, Below is the second Mindset in this series.

Grant Yourself A Pardon

Life leaves scars, regrets, and sorrows that grow and integrate into our daily experiences. Because of this, they eventually become more than feelings, developing into an integral part of who we are. As they grow, they begin to mislead us causing us to believe their hold on us is stronger than our gift of choice.

If we simply resist the deception and remember that who we are and where we are going is our choice, then we can choose for every day to be a new beginning. What has brought us contempt and unhappiness in the past can feel erased by the mere choice to be free of them.

What we hold on to, holds on to us be it positive or negative. If we choose to keep the negative then it chooses to keep us in that darkness. Circumstances are not punishments or rewards. They are, however, prisons or freedoms we either build or grant ourselves.

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Mindset Origins

Mindset Origins

It Only Takes A Spark In The Darkness To See

So often it seems the root of humanity stems from what we want instead of what others need. The desire of tending to our own comforts can build walls separating us from those who need us the most. It is not always a conscious act of neglect but more of an unwilling blindness that keeps us from the most important issues and people in our lives.

It is a simple gesture to give, one that requires only the choices to see and then to act. This simplicity has an awesome effect on both the giver and the receiver because it brings positivity, which sparks an internal change that never ceases to evolve.

After truly experiencing the power of giving, we no longer see ourselves as individuals with personal desires but rather part of a large family whose needs lead us to the understanding that we are only as comfortable and secure as those to whom we give.

Untitled Short Story: Part 1

For those who read this blog, you generally find material of a more serious nature. However, I felt it was time to add something a little different into the mix. I have an idea for a short story and thought it might be fun to see where it goes without edits or rewrites. Consider it like a tv sit-com recorded in front of a live audience. I encourage comments and hope we can have a fun little journey together.

C.L. Harmon

He was born Malachi Martín Musgrave, a fitting name it seems for someone such as this peculiar creation. Born in 1975 in a small town in Oklahoma, he would quickly become an oddity of sorts to many once he began junior high. Although his parents already had their suspicions that he seemed to have a part of his brain switched on that the rest didn’t, they hoped for him a normal life.

But there was something very different about Malachi; something that no one else in the world possessed. It was something that would take him all over the world and into an incredibly abnormal life. He had a gift which seemed to jump out of the Old Testament from the days of prophets and into the present and into a relatively no one. Strangely though, other than this extraordinary gift. Malachi was normal. In fact so normal, he was boring. He was a mediocre student, awkward around girls, was into the new arcade game craze and had wet dreams like all pubescent boys who fantasized about what breasts feel like and if sex was really heaven on earth as he had heard from older kids and his brother Caleb.

Malachi had a love of history. All the other subjects were simply a waste of time after the seventh grade he believed. But history had a fascination about. It held a connection to him that felt as real to him as any connection he had with family and friends. An eighth-grade history class incident would help him to begin understanding why. One day while flipping through the textbook to the subject matter of that day, he came across a photo of a tablet with cuneiform writing. The symbols on that tablet made sense to him. It was as though he was reading the English alphabet. It made perfect sense to him. He then read the caption below the photo and realized that it explained what he had just read on the tablet.

Immediately, he walked to the teacher’s desk to ask about it but was told to return to his seat and get on board with what the class was learning that day. Try as he may to listen to the teacher, his thoughts were a flurry of possible explanations as to how he could read the tablet. Pac-Man scores and even the thoughts of naked teenage girls would soon come to be taken over by afternoon sessions in the school library and eventually the town library. A slight obsession his parents thought, one that would subside with the excitement of high school, driving, and dating. They were wrong.

By the time he had started his sophomore year, the local library had borrowed hundreds of books from other libraries for him. He had even taught himself to write cuneiform so he would have copies of what he had been reading. However, he had kept his gift a secret from everyone. He told his parents that he had a love of history and that he was curious about learning all he could about it. He knew that what he could do was strange, but had no idea as to how extraordinary a gift it actually was or how beneficial it would someday be. His father, not the bookworm type, worried about his son who seemed to have no interest in girls, cars or sports. He did have friends that he spent time with, but only if there was not a new book at the library.

His fascination with what he was learning was like an addicting drug. The more he read, the more he wanted to learn. Every shard of clay was a puzzle piece that became part of an ever increasing and intriguing picture. Most of it made no sense. It was a book with many of its pages torn out. But there was definitely a story there he believed. It was more of a feeling than anything else. Archaic communications that held no meaning or purpose in the present is really what they seemed to be. They should be nothing more than pieces of a collection in the world’s museums. But what if they were more, Malachi wondered as he began seeing glimpses into the world of 5,000 years ago. But then again, maybe those thoughts were nothing more than the desired fantasy of a boy who dreamt of a life filled with adventure instead of one with old books, joysticks and the curiosity of hormone-raged teen. Reality it seems is never far behind one’s fantasies.

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What The Hell…

What The Hell…

C.L. Harmon

For me, writing a blog with Mindsets and other bits of knowledge and wisdom gained throughout my life is about several things. One of these is helping others find answers or peace. Others include discovery, pursuing understanding about the human condition and helping people to connect with other people among other objectives. My favorite part about writing anything though is that I can do it while hiding away from the world. It’s safe and it’s private. I have become introverted over the years and spend much of my time in thought and alone. Because of this, much of what I write has hidden meanings and twisted definitions with the purpose of making those who read them to think deeper than they are accustomed to as I do.

I like knowing that I can affect you or impact your life without probably ever meeting you. The only problem with this is that I cannot be affected by you, learn from you. This, what I am doing now, is how I cope without outside help. I write. I share. Having written that, I am just going to talk this time without a point or lesson. I had a very, very bad week. The particulars or causes won’t change anything and so there is no need to write them here. But how certain words and actions made me feel this week, those I will share.

These negatives felt as though I had been hit so hard that my breath couldn’t return to my lungs. Adrenaline, anger, shock and confusion overwhelmed me to the point where my perceived clarity was no longer focused. This is the first time in my life that this has ever happened. Dealing with numerous career disappointments, clinical depression, hardships of many sorts and feeling alone even in a crowd for most of my life has hardened me to the point that feeling is more of a practiced response than an actual expression of true emotion. That certainly changed this week. Damn sure sent me reeling!

So now I am in territory that I have not been in since I was 19. It’s strange and I am still reeling from this burst of real emotion. I don’t know what the hell I am supposed to with this. I am breathing again, but cautiously and very slowly. Is this the way that most people live? If so, it seems like an intense way of living. Of course, I assume most people probably express a little at a time and so maybe the intensity is not that overwhelming as in my case. Still, how does anyone stay sane? Hell, maybe their emotions are what keeps them sane and I am the insane one. As I said, things don’t make a lot of sense to me right now. So I guess it’s possible.

At any rate, there has been something that has come out of this that seems almost out of context in this whole scenario.

I now feel as though I have been looking at life through a dirty window pane for so long that what I have been seeing is not actually what has been going on outside, but illusions made from the images out of the dust on the window. Now that the glass has been shattered, nothing looks familiar. It’s frightening and hopefully enlightening at some point. It’s so bizarre. I have never been stopped dead in my tracks like I was this week. I don’t know how to feel. I have nothing to teach and nothing to give in this writing except personal honesty. But I am writing anyway. Who knows, maybe there is a message even in this rambling. Then again…maybe not. For those of you who read me faithfully and take my writings as messages as to how to cope with life and find peace, please accept my apologies this time. I am only human…as I rediscovered this week.

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In A New Light: Does God Ever Leave Us?

In A New Light: Does God Ever Leave Us?

C.L. Harmon

Many times while watching documentaries, I have heard Jewish survivors say that God was no there during that evil period we know as the Holocaust. Each time I would hear one of them say it, an uneasy feeling would pulse through me. I guess as a Christian who has been taught that God is always with me, it gave me pause and challenged my traditional beliefs. To have endured such evil, perhaps I too would feel the same way as these people. I don’t know. But I do know it bothered me. Is God sometimes absent from our lives? For people raised in Christianity, it must seem almost as blasphemy to think such a thought. But I want to know.

I am not sure that the question has an answer. At least not a complete answer we are privy to in this realm of existence. It is intriguing to me though that it’s possible humanity is sometimes responsible for dealing with its own messes. There must have been many people in the world at that time who knew that an evil regime was in power, yet only a few ever tried to stop it. Most in the Axis countries did nothing. Maybe God felt like that He had given enough. Maybe He thought that so much had been given to humanity already and that it was time for us to learn a lesson.

Although those persecuted by the Nazis suffered the greatest as a whole without a doubt, everyone involved in a war suffers to some extent. Each country and each person suffers during conflicts. Perhaps He did step back and expect humanity to step up and finally learn the words by Edmund Burke, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing,”. Maybe this was God’s way of saying that He did not allow this, but humanity allowed it by doing nothing when something had to be done.

If this were true, it would certainly explain a great deal about the miseries we suffer in our own lives. Perhaps free will carries a much greater meaning than we are willing to accept and thus accept its responsibility. As parents, do we not know that by allowing our children to make mistakes, we teach them? Does not requiring them to pay for those mistakes not teach them about the consequences of their actions or failure to act? I do not believe God punishes us for using our free will in poor judgment. I do, however, believe that he allows the consequences from it to serve as life lessons.

I further don’t believe that God ever abandons us entirely at any time. I believe He is always with us but remains silent and inactive while giving humanity the opportunity and the time to do what is right and noble. Perhaps those who believe God was absent in the concentration camps and occupied territories feel that way because God was silent just as he had been the 400 years between the Old Testament and the New Testament (Malachi’s Warning to the Jewish people). God did not abandon His children then; He remained silent while they found their way back to Him in their practices. Had He decided to abandon them, then what would have been the point of sending Malachi in 430 BC and Christ 430 years later?

These are simply my thoughts, nothing more. I find that writing allows me to explore the questions this life offers me. These writings are not proclamations of truth, but simply investigative writings which help me understand my world. It is always my hope to open up my mind and others’ as to new ways of seeing the world so that we may all have a better understanding of life and the role we play in it.

Thanks for Reading!

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Dreams Don’t Grow In The Dark

Dreams Don’t Grow In The Dark

By C.L. Harmon

When we lose our direction, we lose more than just our way. We lose ourselves. We are tied to our dreams, and it is the part of which defines us internally. I believe the dream is who we are and not that we are someone with a dream. Our dreams are powerful when we are young. They still seem within reach, and the idea of those dreams becoming elusive has not yet become a reality.

Life, however, is a thief. As days go by, they blend into a period of time and then into a past time. Our dreams begin wandering aimlessly into our subconscious as they no longer have a place in our conscious thoughts. They are as a memory that never happened. They slip into the darkness of our psyches because we feel as though they ask too much from us.

They are in constant need of attention, never fulfilled. It becomes burdensome as it requires more and more to grow. And so we let go, but are left with this sense of abandonment that we cannot explain, yet know it’s real. We feel it always with us; something lost to us but not forgotten. Our dreams are roadmaps in life. They are the directions, not to the most wonderful experiences, but directions out of the chaos of the worst experiences.

Most of us do not think of our dreams in such a way. But do we not think of dreams as paths to betterment? Is not reaching for something out of reach just another way of removing us from the negativity that is ever close to us? We lose ourselves in the chaos because we have stopped moving away from it as it grows. Does it not seem logical that our Creator would give us a tool to escape that which destroys and consumes us? Without our dreams and the pursuit of them, we no longer define who we are but instead become the definition of those who left theirs in the dark recesses of their subconscious.

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Loss Is A Gain We Cannot Afford To Lose

Loss Is A Gain We Cannot Afford To Lose

We are these amazing creatures with passions, secrets, knowledge, and wisdom caught up in this essence of life, the only reality familiar to us. We learn to love and then must learn to accept that we lose it. We trust that goodness always prevails and yet ultimately discover that evil often wins the day. We must learn to control anger and violence when we feel passionate that it is warranted. We must learn to forgive when it is not deserved. We are compelled to build and create fully aware that destruction is inevitable. And we must learn and do all of these in order to grow.

We can survive without learning any of these expectations which are laid at our feet. We can prosper through evil deeds and achieve monetary trophies and titles, but we will never grow into anyone who truly appreciates the life which is given to us if we do not choose to accept what is difficult. Growth has always been the gift. It is the metamorphosis which defines the real meaning of free will and the reason for which it was given.

We never become any more than the years of our age without the choice to accept the growth which only comes through our willingness to accept the suffering which makes it possible. Your choice to accept and to learn is your reward. Everything worthwhile and lasting is only gained through loss and suffering. Without this knowledge, we will never comprehend the value of anything. What makes us so amazing is not only our ability to gain through loss but our choice to willingly accept a loss with only the belief that we gain.

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What Lies Within

What Lies Within

A sculptor looks at a piece of granite or stone with either a belief that there is a work of art within that stone that he will uncover. Or he looks at it with the belief that he will create a work of art from where there was none before.Although the creation may be the same in appearance as each artisan finishes toiling with the stone, the sculptures are very different to the sculptors. The artisan who uncovers what is hidden learns that he can see beyond what is on the surface.

He can chisel each sliver of stone to discover that beauty and creation are all around us if we choose to remove those layers which obscure them. He begins to understand that all things have depth and if we do not seek to uncover what lies beneath then we lose what has been hidden for us to find.

The artisan who creates from within to bring about something new understands that the origins of creations are mysteries locked up inside of us. He learns that the surface of the stone is an opportunity to carve, chip and then breathe life into a new creation.

But it is the artisans themselves who learn above all that they are simply a stone for another Creator. One who has hidden beauty and mystery within them awaiting discovery. Through our visions, toils, and patience, we all create and unearth the mysteries in our daily lives only to realize we were always the greatest works of art in the universe.

Mindset: Patterns Are Us

C.L. Harmon

There have always been patterns in life that most never give a second thought. For those who do, they only see enough to know there are such patters and not the reasoning behind them. We even classify these patterns in terms such as love languages, personality types, body types, attitude dispositions, among many others.

But why are we given patterns when each of us is created to be unique? Perhaps it so we never feel alone. In a creation where each is unique, it stands to reason that we would often feel alone with no guides, teachers or examples to follow because of our individuality. But with our natural inclination to recognize and be drawn to what feels familiar, we are given the opportunity to learn from those before us who are in the same patterns we are.

Within this incredible existence we inhabit, we are all guides to others. When we experience loss, tragedy, heartbreak or any other suffering, we are given a light in the darkness that is built into our psyches. If we are weak in our faith and stumbling through misery and confusion, our Creator still gives us a map to bring us direction through our desires to identify with others who are familiar to us through these patterns.

As unique as we are and as lost as we can become, we are never left alone. We are all each other’s keepers and teachers. Our experiences are the messages of comfort we offer others who are wayward. What an incredible design that we are a part of. If patterns prove nothing else, they prove we are connected and instrumental in the cohesion that which connects an entirely unique creation into the purpose that we are actually one with eachother.

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Happiness Is A Journey

Happiness Is A Journey

C.L. Harmon

Happiness is not a choice but a journey. We tend to believe that choices dictate the outcomes of our lives. This is only true to a point. Certainly, there is the cause and effect. But this is only a teacher to help us along as we travel on this journey.

We must learn to love. Then we must learn how to lose that love. Everyone experiences this at least once in their lives. We must learn how to accept that loss and to accept that we must live without it. We must come to the understanding that moving forward opens up new opportunities for us. We cannot simply state that we are happy despite the loss, pain, and misery. We must travel through it and gain insight from the experience.

With each loss, failure, and setback, we are expected to soldier on by our Creator. But more than this, we are required to grow out of the ashes into someone who can open up again knowing the pain of a broken heart or a shattered dream. We must learn to count our blessings knowing even this does not bring instant happiness in the wake of a tragedy.

The key to happiness is gaining the wisdom to understand that learning how to be happy is a journey. We must learn to forgive those who wrong us because what we hold onto, holds onto us. If we do not learn to forgive, then we must suffer the pain of that trespass each day. This is not a wisdom that can be gained without experience. It is, however, knowledge, that can be shared to enlighten us when we finally choose to release the negative we are grasping.

Happiness is not a product we purchase. It is not a word or a gesture or even a belief that can erase that which causes us sadness and depression. It is a journey where we learn patience, acceptance, forgiveness, empathy, and kindness. Life’s experiences culminate in this wisdom which teaches us that without our choice to learn these lessons, we are choosing not to be happy.

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