This week I had a revelation…and no I am not going to tell you what it is. What that revelation is, is not really important. But it’s effect on me…now that’s something to talk about. It has altered my belief system that has been in place for many years. I don’t call it an epiphany because it didn’t come down like a bolt of lightning striking me in the head, but more as digging a tunnel and finally breaking through to daylight.
This burst of daylight has forced me to look at things in my life from a different emotional perspective. Imagine that you view the world and how you interact within it a certain way. For example, you see yourself in the world as a fun, happy and positive person. That perspective causes particular insights and thoughts in your mind as a response to the image you see yourself putting out. Are you with me so far?
Now change that to image to a depressed, angry and negative person. What you see in your mind, that reflection coming back to you has obviously changed drastically. That type of altering in my belief system is the amount of change I experienced.
For reasons unknown to me, life will sometimes make colossal changes in our lives like placing a fork in the road of reason. Perhaps we are stuck on repeat mode listening to the same tune and God is tired of us listening to the same old song. Or maybe we are speeding off in the wrong direction and God pulls us over and writes us a ticket to allow us time to slow down and get the right heading.
Now let’s tie this revelation into my writing journey. My direction and where I wish to go as a writer has not changed. The importance to me of reaching my destination has not changed either. So what has changed? It is my position on understanding life that has changed. Simply stated, there is little understanding in this life. We are allowed bits of clarity as we grow, but never enough to make real sense of the big picture of life and existence as a whole. This fact has been a splinter under my thumbnail since I was a young adult.
I want to understand why things are the way they are! I want trials and triumphs to make sense! But it turns out that I am on a need to know basis with God…and God says I don’t need to know. Perhaps accepting the fact that the road I am on is a mystery is the understanding I seek. Perhaps the destination I long for is nothing more than a dot on the map of existence with little or no value. And if this is true and I knew it, would I work as diligently as I do to reach it knowing this? Or maybe, just maybe, reaching that destination holds no rewards at all because it was only a point on a cosmic map to give me direction so that I would know that God loved me enough to provide me with that point which allowed me a journey at all.
In conclusion, I suppose I have found that not understanding is the best definition for understanding. And acceptance of this supposition is the best revelation we will ever get to understand.