Author: C. L. Harmon

This week I had a revelation…and no I am not going to tell you what it is. What that revelation is, is not really important. But it’s effect on me…now that’s something to talk about. It has altered my belief system that has been in place for many years. I don’t call it an epiphany because it didn’t come down like a bolt of lightning striking me in the head, but more as digging a tunnel and finally breaking through to daylight.

This burst of daylight has forced me to look at things in my life from a different emotional perspective. Imagine that you view the world and how you interact within it a certain way. For example, you see yourself in the world as a fun, happy and positive person. That perspective causes particular insights and thoughts in your mind as a response to the image you see yourself putting out. Are you with me so far?

Now change that to image to a depressed, angry and negative person. What you see in your mind, that reflection coming back to you has obviously changed drastically. That type of altering in my belief system is the amount of change I experienced.

For reasons unknown to me, life will sometimes make colossal changes in our lives like placing a fork in the road of reason. Perhaps we are stuck on repeat mode listening to the same tune and God is tired of us listening to the same old song. Or maybe we are speeding off in the wrong direction and God pulls us over and writes us a ticket to allow us time to slow down and get the right heading.

Now let’s tie this revelation into my writing journey. My direction and where I wish to go as a writer has not changed. The importance to me of reaching my destination has not changed either. So what has changed? It is my position on understanding life that has changed. Simply stated, there is little understanding in this life. We are allowed bits of clarity as we grow, but never enough to make real sense of the big picture of life and existence as a whole. This fact has been a splinter under my thumbnail since I was a young adult.

I want to understand why things are the way they are! I want trials and triumphs to make sense! But it turns out that I am on a need to know basis with God…and God says I don’t need to know. Perhaps accepting the fact that the road I am on is a mystery is the understanding I seek. Perhaps the destination I long for is nothing more than a dot on the map of existence with little or no value. And if this is true and I knew it, would I work as diligently as I do to reach it knowing this? Or maybe, just maybe, reaching that destination holds no rewards at all because it was only a point on a cosmic map to give me direction so that I would know that God loved me enough to provide me with that point which allowed me a journey at all.

In conclusion, I suppose I have found that not understanding is the best definition for understanding. And acceptance of this supposition is the best revelation we will ever get to understand.

I have referred several times within this blog series about this entirety of the blog is a journey. The interesting thing about a journey is that you end up in a different place than where you began. As such, I thought why not apply the same principle in each blog I write. This way, I take you the reader and myself to a new place during the course of the journey.  I feel like this experiment of sorts to be a learning experience where discovery becomes a teacher to both of us.

I mentioned a couple of blogs back about answers from God often being elusive to me. I thought in this segment that I would write about those elusive answers because this is certainly a subject in which we can all relate. I also hope that along this journey that I might come to understand those elusive answers.

I recently got news of a very good thing that happened to someone whom I consider to be very bad. I would bet money on the prospect that those who voted him for this honor do not know even a fraction of the negative things he did to me and to the dream I was building.  Nor did he care for any of those who were ultimately affected by the destruction of that dream. There were many who were, I can assure you.

The news was like a knife in my back. Actually, though I hadn’t given it much thought other than the initial annoyance upon hearing the news. However, while searching for a topic for this blog, I thought why not talk about those who are out to kill other’s hopes. Writers, I think, face the dilemma of attempting to keep their dreams alive at least some if not all their careers. I mean, after all, even the devil gets his due. At the time this man was wielding deceit and poison to harm my interests, I was in a position to use the words I love so much to sink to his level of treachery and duplicity. I had the reading audience and the trust of that audience to make anything I wrote about him stick like honey to bread.

I chose not to do it. I know that words are one of the most powerful tools that humankind is given. Words can destroy a man’s life or save one’s just as easily. I simply walked away in a graceful manner from everything I had built when I realized that in order to save it or win I guess it could be called, I had to become worse than the man I detested for using such tactics. I had to be as weak and shallow as him in order to defeat him. To me, there is no victory in that regardless of the positive outcome for me.

So why did this man get his desired outcome? Why did God allow him to win? I don’t know. I have formulated a theory as to those questions though. People who continue to delve deeper into dark actions to achieve what they desire, do so because they always feel that they can rise above those actions whenever they choose. What they don’t realize is that they are not ever going to be given that opportunity as long as they feel as though they have the right to control the dreams of others. They continue diving deeper in their efforts to destroy unaware that they already have the hook in their mouths. They believe that those deceitful measures worked once, they will continue to work. However, once the devil decides he has let them play with the bait long enough, he sets the hook. At that point, there is no longer that freedom to rise to the surface.

This is where that man is now…being reeled in and too ignorant to know it.

I may not get all the answers I want. But I have gotten one answer…one more important to know than why a man got an honor that he didn’t deserve which doesn’t affect me in the least. I learned that when the chips are down and I am attacked by those willing to sacrifice their morals for self-satisfaction; I will always choose to rise to the top; above those who are not smart enough to know that the deeper they go the further they get hooked into losing their own control to the devil.

One main factor I considered when contemplating as to write this blog series or not was, will it help other writers.

I wanted my trials and triumphs to be able to give inspiration to others.

I wanted them to know that one can fight depression, work lousy jobs, feel as though their dreams will never reach fruition and still find hope in their desire to write. I laid the groundwork for this is the first several blogs.

I have been slowly transitioning into more constructive and positive aspects of my career over the past few blogs. I tell you this because having an end purpose in this endeavor is the same as having one in an article, short story or novel. In other words, without direction, one is simply driving around in circles and never reaching a worthwhile destination.  I want us all to reach our end purpose.

I am not a teacher of life or writing, but simply a man on a journey attempting to reach a purposeful destination while helping others do the same through my experiences. As such, I will often be driving around from topic to topic in what may seem an erratic fashion. However, as strange as that sounds isn’t that just like life. We all do this in our lives and in pursuit of our goals. There are always bumps in the road, potholes, fallen trees and branches, driving rain or some other type of hazard that impedes our progress.

We often feel as though we need to backtrack in order to find another way forward after a roadblock or running upon damaged debris in the road. At that moment it feels as though we are going backward, but if we look at the detour as simply finding a new way to continue moving forward, then we are not really backing up at all. We are still moving forward via new direction.

Like Thomas Edison said about the light bulb, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work,” we find 10,000 ways in which not to go again. There are countless ways to end up lost, but it only takes one route to discovery. The key is always knowing that there is a way to that discovery, to that fulfillment and success we crave as long as we keep moving forward.

I prefer to think in terms of winning and losing. Some days I win and some I lose. Perhaps I am just wired that way or maybe somewhere along the way it became a way of coping with life’s difficulties. Either way, it is what it is. I also tend to focus on the negative days a bit more than the positive. This may be God answering my prayers for humility which keeps me from patting my own back for my accomplishments. Or it may simply be the wiring again. The point I want to make here is that focusing on the negative can sometimes be a very good tool when it comes to the end dream.

When the road is littered with debris from a storm or some idiot is blocking my way, my resolve to succeed my way strengthens. Interestingly enough, I always find a new way to move forward. The message of support for you in this blog is there is always another way to move forward. The only true loss that can never be reclaimed as a writer is not reaching your end goal. Ahead of every bad day is the potential of a good day. You just have to keep moving ahead to reach it.

Unlike being a writer cramped up for hours in a room meshing ideas to create a novel with characters made up in their heads, a journalist gets to be a bit closer to reality. In this blog, I thought I might tell a story about one of the hundreds of interesting people I have met throughout my career.

It all began with a phone call at my office when I was working for a small newspaper. I answered my desk phone to a voice that informed me of a man on a bridge riding a mule while leading another one trailing behind him. The person said that the man might make a good story. I was intrigued.

I jumped in my car and headed for the location of where the caller said the man was located. I ran into the mule man approximately a mile from where the caller said he had been riding. My initial thought as I approached him was more of curiosity than interest. Why would anyone be riding a mule anyway in this modern age, I thought and then asked him. A few words of small talk and I became very intrigued as he began answering that question.

It turns out that the man was on a journey of faith after finding his world shattered. After his wife left him, he loses his job only days later. He comes home to find her and many of his belongings gone. It was a wake-up call that it was time to find out what his life was really all about. Looking around his aging home in need of repairs in south Texas, he felt an emptiness which prompted him to act. It was an idea I think many of us have at times in our lives…to just walk away from everything and start fresh. He acted on it though.

He gathered up what few items of value he still had left, including his work truck and sold them. He then contacted a man who had mules to sell and purchased one to ride and one to haul the few items he would need to survive on his journey. The only modern convenience he took was a cell phone in case of an emergency. He left his home in early spring with very little money and as much food for him and the mules that the mules could carry.

When I asked him how he planned to survive. He simply said, “God will provide all my needs”. Indeed God had! When I met him it was mid-summer he had already been traveling a few months. He had never gone hungry or grown ill, but the miracle is what he told me next.

Motorists everywhere along his journey were always stopping him and asking about his journey. To the modern world looking at him, he must have seemed to step out of the Twilight Zone from another period in history. Once he explained that it was a journey of faith, they were all eager to help. Many would give him money, though he never asked for it. If they were to ask what he needed, his reply was always a prayer.

The incredible outpouring of roadside assistance, if you will, overwhelmed him. People would open up their homes to him for a good meal and a hot shower. Others would see him on the road and then wait in town for him to pass through where they would give him supplies, food, and even clothes. Some would even charge his cell phone and then return it to him. He was not a beggar as he did not ask for anything. He simply allowed God to work in the hearts of others for his benefit. Everything that was done for him without him asking was another example as to why God should be glorified. He was learning day by day that God never forsakes His children. Even when our current world falls apart, He is there to help us build a new and better one for ourselves.

He was trekking it up to one of the states around the Great Lakes area (I forget which one) to visit his mother. He was hoping to make it by Thanksgiving to surprise her. I would find out later that he did make it but not before the holiday deadline. He called me after reaching his destination. He gave me his mother’s address and asked me to mail him a copy of the paper since he had to be moving on before it published. He relayed to me that he had a feeling to call me upon his arrival and let me know he had made it. I had wondered often over the following several months after meeting him if he had completed his journey. Tired and sore, he had made it. Only now he had a much brighter perspective on people and a great found respect for the Creator.

I chose to tell this story in my blog because I too feel that writing this blog is a journey of faith. Like the man on the mule, I am also searching for answers to questions that are elusive to me. And like him, I have found that there are people inspired by God’s grace to interact with what I write. Although I am still on this writing journey, the destination becomes ever so clear as I now know that I am guided by faith. Sometimes God speaks to us from a mountain and sometimes from atop an ass.

Success in writing or anything else for that matter is a relative term. We all define success our own way. We set goals and criteria which we believe when met will make us successful.

As such, we give ourselves achievements to work toward. When those goals are not met in the time frame we want then the success is still a dangling hook in the water waiting for a nibble.

This is how I interpret the definition. Yours may be different.

It was recently pointed out to me that what I perceive in my head as to that interpretation may be very different than the perceptions others possess about the same subject. Oddly enough that never occurred to me. It intrigued me as I pondered on that revelation. The conversation in which this was made known to me was about the negativity of my previous blogs.

A friend asked me what it was that I needed to consider myself successful. It was at that point that I realized where he was going with his question.

In other words, why did I not consider myself successful at the times in my career when I had achieved great accomplishments. There has always been an ultimate goal for me I told him.  I then realized that it has been that one goal that has been elusive to me, not the dream. Some can be knocked over with a feather, others it takes a sledgehammer. I felt a headache coming on.

Having written this revelation now, I suppose the theme of this blog could be called ‘Know Thy Self’. I have written several times during the course of this blog series that writing for me has been a journey. It is that because I never know where it’s going to take me or what comes from it until I have moved on from one destination and onto another. It is only when I look back that I know where I have been.  That sounds like a line from an old country song, doesn’t it? But you catch my drift.

My point is simply this; there have been many successes in my career and many more downturns, but to forget about the mini successes is to lose the beautiful scenery along the road on the journey. My friend explained something else to me as well. He said that regardless of where I am on my journey to success, I am one step ahead of those who have not experienced what I have. That, he said, is how your blog helps others. He is right!

Nevertheless, this blog will not always be rainbows and unicorns because that is not how life works. However, it is not my intent to discourage others from pursuing writing. It is an opportunity to help those who are one step behind me. It should also be said that every disappointment in my career has made me a better steward of words and made me work harder to achieve the ultimate goal.

As I move into the next phase of this series, I will begin writing about some of the wonderful experiences that writing has provided me. This series is just another adventure in writing. I had never done it and thought it might be interesting to see where this path leads. And like any good story, this story of my journey will have a happy ending.  Thanks to my friend who reminded me that success has always been there, I just needed to allow myself to see it.